Thursday, 22 October 2009

Facebook Groups Are Useless, And So Are You...





FAN 1. A person who has interest or likes something, or somebody. Can refer to many things including sports, movie stars, food/drink and so on. Basically anybody that likes something.
"I am a big fan of basketball."

"I am the biggest Star Wars fan ever."


Social networking sites, massive online hubs for living walking eating shitting anxiety machines that aren't entirely comfortable with coming into contact with their fellow man. Every day, millions of these people flock to websites like this to simply look at what their friends are doing or how their feeling without taking the effort to ask them in person through audible conversation (Me included). Having scrolled through vast amounts of pictures of friend-related happenings, just like they want you to, you give them recognition for their everyday actions by commenting the post or simply just liking it. Things would be so much easier in the real world if we adopted the thumbs up or down formula, of course it would make proposing to your sweetheart a lot less eventful.

So what ties this in with the quote you see at the top of this post? Groups. A small or large number of like-minded acquaintances that congregate in the wonderful land of the Internets. Groups usually get together for rather focused reasons, whether it's socialising, helping those less fortunate, playing music together or necking ketamine in a field before being swallowed whole by an unrelentingly horrifying grass monster. Groups have been around since the dawn of time, ranging from a gathering of billions of molecules on the tip of a pre-historic stone to billions of under-evolved fundamentalists praying to unprovable men in the sky. With the sheer amount of groups out there, it comes as no surprise that their reasons for existence have became less meaningful as a whole, which brings me to Facebook.

For the past year or so, Facebook has surpassed Myspace as the Internet's top "LOOK AT ME!" website, and like any other decent social networking website, it has it's fair share of Fan-related groups, but as the amount of groups has grown, the reason of the group's existences have slumped. I get several suggestions per log-in on my homepage for these so-called groups. It's of the utmost importance that I know what my friends enjoy. The worst offenders being things like "17 of your friends are fans of sex." Shouldn't these things seem obvious? As long as my friends have reproductive organs, I shall be quick to assume that they enjoy sex. There's nothing too mysterious about that fact. Next you'll be telling me they've discovered fire.
"50 of your friends are fans of Food." Well thanks for pointing that out. I have perfectly healthy eyes but somehow I couldn't figure out that all of these Food fans weren't malnurished, anorexia-stricken skeletons.
"25 of your friends are fans of Cuddles In Bed." Of course they enjoy cuddles in bed. Who wouldn't enjoy embracing with their significant other in the epitome of comfort, I suppose the other 90 people in your friends list deny this joy just to be 'alternative.'

Facebook has always been a place to express your interests and your enjoyments, but now we are made to point out things that we would obviously find enjoyable. You don't have to glance at a stranger for too long to figure out that he/she enjoys a good drink and a rough shag. These are simple, common, universal human character traits. If you have to come out and announce it then go the whole hog and tell us how much of a fan you are of breathing, standing, sitting and excreting.

Surely it's a rum state of affairs when we have to present such predictable enjoyments to simply prove our existence and similarities to the rest of the world. As if we're that desperate to find things that we have in common with these arseholes. If you're going to start a Facebook group, make sure it's a worthwhile contribution to society, and not just another shitty excuse for a discussion board about how much you love Bacon butties. Facebook groups are useless, and so are you.